Questions I Have Answered About the Tooth Fairy

Recently, I’ve been getting a lot of questions from my five-year-old son about the tooth fairy. Whereas Santa Claus has an extremely rich and detailed backstory (North Pole, elves, Mrs. Claus, sleigh, chimney, reindeer, and so on), the tooth fairy is a much more enigmatic magical creature. This has led to an extensive round of questioning from my son, to which I’ve tried to respond as best I can.

I hope these answers I came up with help you explain the tooth fairy to your own children.

Who is the tooth fairy?

The tooth fairy is a fairy who comes to your house after you lose a tooth. She takes the tooth from under your pillow and replaces it with a small payment of some kind.

How does the tooth fairy get into your house?

Fairies are small enough to fit through the various cracks and crevices in your walls and beneath windows.

So, it’s a ghost thing? She can fly through walls?

No, it’s the crevices. Various crevices.

Like a mouse?

Sure, yes.

What is the tooth fairy doing with all the teeth?

The tooth fairy stores the teeth in a warehouse.

Why?

She’s a hoarder. Her family has actually confronted her about the tooth warehouse but she straight up will not budge. They’ve even suggested other things that she might do with the teeth (turn them into art, eco-friendly decomposition, etc.) but the tooth fairy insists on keeping all the teeth in this one overflowing warehouse.

Where is the warehouse?

Somewhere in Van Nuys.

Where’s Van Nuys?

It’s not important.

Can we go there?

Maybe another day.

How is the tooth fairy rich enough to give everyone money?

She has a lot of inherited wealth.

What’s inherited wealth?

Basically, the tooth fairy’s family is super rich so she hasn’t had to think about money as much as other people.

Why is her family rich?

They worked for Goldman Sachs for many years.

What’s Goldman Sachs?

Goldman Sachs is a multinational investment bank and financial-services company headquartered in New York City.

Is the tooth fairy married, like Santa Claus?

She was married once, to an orthodontist, but they’re separated now.

Why are they separated?

A lot of reasons. For one, their hours were radically different. The orthodontist worked days, and, of course, the tooth fairy has to work every single night for eternity. They ultimately wanted different things out of life. Also, the tooth-warehouse thing.

What’s the tooth fairy’s real name?

Lindsey.

What’s her last name?

McAdams.

Can we please go to the tooth warehouse in Van Nuys?

Not today.

When can we go?

Maybe tomorrow. ♦

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/questions-i-have-answered-about-the-tooth-fairy

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